Fire within flame

13th April,

I’m sorry that I couldn’t post frequently. Guess I’m becoming the person who prefers staying in the abyss than on the surface. They said that I was gonna become someone Exceeding all Expectations. But here I am writing this lifeless Blog to no one.

This was the day that showed me the heat consuming my cold heart. I can hear the bell ringing. But I don’t see anyone at my door. My heart became a mere sac of fluid pumping apparatus without anymore life in it. I took my stay in the sunken place. Forgetting the people who betray you, is easy. Living, Watching at, Talking with them is an immeasurable burden, a rock tied to me trying to pull me towards the depth. All I ever want is to cut the rope. But I guess, my rope is strengthened by getting complicated enough already. I want to fly without my body, feeling the gravity of pain. What if I’m already dead. It’s just this phantom trying tell this world something. Maybe the Earth really is flat. Might not be geographically, but the people here seem flat enough. I just try my best to see the light.

Being at the wrong place at the wrong time is becoming my habitual routine. I see the darkness in other people. The fire that burned everyone that I cared about, left nothing but ashes of people with a spark of sob and a tremble of tears. I feel like a murderer. I feel pain but I don’t know if pain can hurt someone like this. Or I’ve lost it too much to the point where I forgot how happiness feels.

The fire in me pulsates throughout my own sphere of flame. Anger flows in me without any route of conclusion. I try to channel my hate towards my fate and try to make better. But at the end of the day, the latter dramatically fails and now I’m useless burning parchment of paper lying on the ground. Life can burn sometimes. But I cannot save myself from the fire all the time. I might end up becoming it.

Until then.

Your Skywalker //